The Five Love Languages: Acts of Service


Detail photograph from a mural showing Jesus washing the disciples’ feet.
Photo by crunklygill via Flickr

This is the fourth program in a five-part series about showing love to other people. Liz Waid and Colin Lowther look at showing love to other people by caring for and serving each other.

Watch Video


Transcript


Voice 1  

Welcome to Spotlight. I’m Liz Waid.

Voice 2  

And I’m Colin Lowther. Spotlight uses a special English method of broadcasting. It is easier for people to understand, no matter where in the world they live.

“This house is a mess. Can I clean it up for you?”

“Can I wash your car? It is very dirty.”

“Can I make food for us tonight? You can relax.”

“What can I do for you?”

Voice 1  

Does this sound like love? It can be! There are many different ways to tell people we love them. For many years, Dr. Gary Chapman has studied how people communicate love to each other. Dr. Chapman has identified five main ways that people show love. These are the five love languages:

Kind Words of Affirmation
Quality Time
Receiving Gifts
Acts of Service
Physical Touch

Voice 2  

Today’s Spotlight continues our series on the five love languages. This series is based on the work of Dr. Chapman and his book The Five Love Languages. This is program number four in the series. The first program was about speaking Kind Words. The second was spending quality time together. The third was feeling loved by Receiving Gifts. Today’s love language is “Acts of Service”.

Voice 1  

Jane and Mark had been married for many years. But they were not happy. Jane criticized Mark for hunting too much. She wanted Mark to stay home and help her with things she was doing. Mark felt he deserved to go hunting. He worked hard at his job all week. He enjoyed hunting at the end of the week. It was something he did for himself.

Voice 2  

Jane and Mark went to see Dr. Chapman. He learned that Mark’s love language is Kind Words. Mark felt love when Jane encouraged him and said positive things to him. But Jane felt love when Mark helped her with work. Her love language was Acts of Service.

Voice 1  

What is an act of service? Simply, it is doing something for another person. But Dr. Chapman warns that it is more complex than this. For an act to be an act of service, it needs to be something that the other person would like you to do. It cannot be something that you want to do. He explains,

Voice 3  

“By acts of service, I mean doing things you know your partner would like you to do. You seek to please each other by serving each other. You express your love by doing things for each other.”

Voice 2  

Jane did not actually hate when Mark went hunting. When she criticized Mark for hunting she was asking for love. Mark did not understand this so he reacted with anger. Dr. Chapman asked Jane and Mark to learn to be better communicators. He asked Jane to talk to Mark about what she needed. He asked Mark to learn that helping Jane with things she was doing was a way to show love to her. Mark began to help Jane more. He did not always enjoy the work. But he knew he was serving Jane out of love.

Voice 1  

Choosing to help is important. Acts of Service must always be done freely. If one person shouts and demands that the other person helps, it is not a loving situation. But if the same person asks for help and the partner chooses to help, then it is an act of love. Love can never be demanded. If it is demanded it is not love. Love can only be freely given.

Voice 2  

Jane and Mark found that they both felt loved. Their relationship improved. Jane stopped criticizing Mark. In fact, she liked that Mark felt happy when he went hunting. And when she told Mark that, he felt encouraged. He even began to enjoy helping Jane with the things she was doing.

Voice 1  

If you know someone who speaks the love language Acts of Service, there are a few things to remember. First, ask the person what you can do for them. It may be surprising what they will say communicates love. It may be easier than you think to show them love.

Voice 2  

Second, talk about it when you are doing something that is an act of love. For example, say, “I saw that you were tired, so I made dinner. I love you so much.” We may think that our partner should see what we are trying to do, but they may not.

Voice 1  

Third, do not forget the small things. Even if you are very busy, you can still do something small to help them. Acts of Service must involve some kind of action. Do not just say you will do something. You must do it. But this does not mean that the act must be big or cost a lot of money.

Voice 2  

Finally, remember that you do not have to do everything for the other person. Demetrius Figueroa writes about love and relationships. He spoke to the website bustle . com about Acts of Service.

Voice 4  

“Having a partner who speaks the acts of service love language does not mean that you need to do everything they ask. You just need to show them that you love through actions. It can be as simple as cooking a meal or getting them tickets to see a film that they said they wanted to see. Just put effort into your actions.”

Voice 1  

Dr. Gary Chapman is also a follower of Jesus. He developed some of the Love Languages in his work with married people. But Acts of Service is a different kind of love language for him. Chapman believes it is very closely connected to being a follower of Jesus. He writes,

Voice 3  

“Jesus gave a simple but clear example of expressing love by an act of service. He washed the feet of his friends. He lived in a culture where people wore open shoes and walked on dirt streets. It was normal for the servant of the house to wash the feet of people as they arrived. Jesus had told his friends to love one another. So he took a container of water and washed their feet like a servant. He encouraged his friends to follow his example.”

Voice 2  

Do you know someone who speaks Acts of Service as their love language? What do you do to show them love? Tell us about it. You can leave a comment on our website. Or email us at radio@radioenglish.net. You can also comment on Facebook at Facebook.com/spotlightradio. Then make sure to listen to the other programs in this series.

Voice 1  

The writer of this program was Adam Navis. The producer was Michio Ozaki. The voices you heard were from the United States and the United Kingdom. All quotes were adapted for this program and voiced by Spotlight. You can listen to this program again, and read it, on the internet at www.radioenglish.net. This program is called, ‘The Five Love Languages: Acts of Service’.

Voice 2  

Visit our website to download our free official app for Android or Apple devices. We hope you can join us again for the next Spotlight program. Goodbye.

Question:

Do you like to do things for other people? What do you do for them?

Comments


Kaleb Kolaibi's avatar
Kaleb Kolaibi
said on November 01, 2018

Yes, I like to do any things for other people. I think that is good for deepening relations between us and that what Jesus teach us, according to Dr. Chapman.
God bless you

Severino Ramos da Silva's avatar
Severino Ramos da Silva
said on November 04, 2018

From: .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)
To: spotlight programm
Subject: to answer the questions below
Date: Sunday 04, November 2018
São Paulo City, SP Brazil

Dear writer of this program Adam Navis, producer Michio Ozaki, Liz Waid, and Colin Lowther:

First, I want to thank you for bringing us more one great article. Thank you.
Question 1 - Do you like to do things for other people?
Answer 1 - Yes, I do.
Question 2 - What do you do for them?
Answer 2 - I do many things for them every day. I am graduated in nursing and I studied at Mogi das Cruzes University here in São Paulo Brazil. I work as a nurse for The Clinic hospital in health care in a Neurology Intensive Care unit. So, our patients have many serious problems about tumor, aneurysms into their heads. Also, we have many patients who have stroke and others had trauma from accidents of car, bikes, falldown from steps, and etc. Therefore the sugeons do many sugeries every day to save their lives such as : open their heads to take out tumor into their brains, clip many aneurysms, and several spine’s sugeries. But, unfortunately, some patients show any symptoms after the sugery such as; hemiparesis on one side of their bodies, lack of the voice, and sometimes they show visual problems. However, the patients receive help from these professional team like; ophthalmology, nursing, physiotherapist, nutritionist, and speech therapist. So, after these treatments their problems are solved. And as a nurse I have an important role in this case like; I help them to feed, to take a shower, to put on their clothes, to take them their medicines, and much more because they show some deficiency on a part of their bodies. Thank you very much.

Your regards,
Severino Ramos
From brazil